A Hedonistic Life

I noted previously that my life at the moment was best described as sustainable, and that I wanted to change it, so what do I want it to become?

The most obvious answer might be "more hedonistic", but what does this mean.

"Hedonistic" is a term that my wife often uses - she says that she used to live a hedonistic life (before me ...) and that is what she still aspires to. She goes on to describe her old life by saying that she was always out, she drank a bit (too much?), and didn't really have any cares. But every time she starts this discussion, I am left wondering what it really means.

The typical way that I often think of it is in Old Testament tales of Sodom and Gomorrah, but that seems to be an extreme expression of what hedonism might be. If that was my wife's definition, then I might expect sex every morning AND night (sadly ... or perhaps thankfully, that doesn't happen).

My trusty little dictionary from about 30 years ago (when I was in 6th grade) defines hedonism as the "doctrine that pleasure is the chief good." Useful, but not overly enlightening.

Wikipedia's contributors provide several definitions that basically also summarise it as the "pursuit of pleasure", but they also leave it open as to what this may really mean.

The problem, as I see it, of defining what Hedonism means is that everybody has their own definition of what "pleasure" is. This, of course, would imply that everyone is hedonistic - but this doesn't really help much.

To some people, a hedonistic life might be one where nobody else matters - an attitude that might be better described as selfish or self-centred. Without meaning to be critical or judgmental, I believe that this may be the sense in which my wife uses the term.

For me, however, the "self above all others" mindset feels uncomfortable. I see and get great pleasure from watching and being with others who are getting pleasure. I feel uncomfortable if I am the centre of attention too much, but do like to do things that give pleasure to others.

In writing about pleasure in "The Prophet", Kahil Gibran wrote, "to both, bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy." To take the selfish definition of hedonism would seem to be shallow and miss half the story.

So yes, I obviously want a more hedonistic lifestyle, but the pleasure I seek is not shallow - it must have depth.