The Seagull

Last night, Nina & I went to see the Royal Shakespeare Company's performance of Chekov's "The Seagull". While it was a good show, I couldn't help seeing Nina and myself in the roles that the actors were playing ... and from a couple of sideways glances from Nina, she was the same.

The play is a love-story of sorts about the longing that a young want-to-be writer, Constantine, has for a young want-to-be actress, Nina. Nina, however, falls in love with a more famous writer, Boris, who seems to be the consort of Constantine's mother, Irina (a famous actress). Peter Sorin is Irina's brother, and the play is set on his estate. The manager of the estate has a daughter called Masha, and while she has eyes only for Constantine, he doesn't want anything to do with her - instead, she is pursued by a schoolmaster, Simon, of whom she wants nothing to do with.

There are several themes through the play. One of them revolves around the question of what it means to be famous - to achieve recognition in one's chosen artistic field (be it acting or writing). In the play, both Nina and Constantine are seeking the recognition that Irina and Boris have achieved. When Nina first falls for Boris, she falls more for the famous writer, and has all sorts of fantasy notions about what it means to be famous and how it must feel - all of which are discounted by Boris, who claims that being a writer is a curse as he is always compelled to write - he'd rather be fishing. By the end of the play, Nina comes to the realisation that in acting (or writing), it is not the honour or glory that is important, but rather it is the strength to endure.

Endure. There is a lot about endurance in the play. Constantine is cursed never to have the love of the woman he desires - she, Nina, is either blind to it or too focused on her own desires for Boris to care. This is a reflection of the way that Constantine treats Masha. She smothers him with her presence and endures his coldness towards her, but he dismisses her as his heart is reserved only for Nina. And yet again, this is repeated in the way that Simon is treated by Masha - she despises him, but he endures her ill treatment and eventually finds himself married to her - but from her point of view, this is done only to try to pluck her love for Constantine from her heart. Even married, she continues to treat him with disdain - they have a baby, but she wants nothing to do with either him or the baby - she wants him gone, she can't stand his conversations or the way he goes on, instead she remains consumed in her own world of drug addiction (snorting something or other) and unrequited love. Of course, there are other similar harmful relationship games that are also at play, but these are the main ones that I will mention here.

At the start of this entry, I noted that I see Nina and myself in this play. She is like Constantine in his endless search for his creativity and to make it as a writer, but never quite being happy with her output. More to the point, I sometimes feel like I am either Constantine being turned down by Nina, but in my case, it is more her dreams of creativity than the love of another person that distracts her. More regularly, I see myself in the character of Masha being continually rejected by Constantine, or Simon being despised by Masha - in both these cases, the indifference and rejection leaves me feeling worthless, a bit like a leper (a term I've often used in my diary entries). Nina is often so self absorbed in her own world that I wonder if she sees how this treatment hurts ... but this also makes me wonder if I am too self absorbed in my own pain from this rejection to understand where she is coming from. Maybe I'm just boring like Simon. At least Nina occasionally indicates that she really does love me.