Relationship Counselling - Second Session

Our second session of relationship counselling continued where the first left off.

As part of the recap from the previous session, it was noted that there was a theme of guilt and of lonliness - to this end, we were given some reading to do out of the book "Intelligent Emotions".

The focus seemed to largely be on me, and one of the outcomes that was suggested by our counsellor was that I should perhaps have some individual sessions. I agreed that if that was appropriate, I would be open to it.

To this point, Nina had been very positive and together - and had really only shown her public face.

I decided that it was time to share some of my other concerns, so I mentioned concerns around Nina's depression and occasional suicidal comments / thoughts. This forced her to open up about these issues a little more and one of the suggestions that was made was that she also get some individual help - perhaps something like Gestalt therapy.

During these discussions, I admitted to having contacted my employer's EAP service to seek their advice last year, and noted that one of their suggestions was that if we could get some couples counselling, then I should take that opportunity. In other words, this was a way for me to perhaps surreptitiously get some help for Nina.

At the end of the session, I was asked what I wanted - I said that there were two key things - absolutely I felt that our relationship needed some help, and I wanted to do what I could to continue to progress that, but additionally, I was concerned about Nina, and if we could get some help for that, then that was also a priority.

Our counsellor could tell that I was genuine in my concerns and care and she pointed out that my eyes were not entirely dry (though I had managed to avoid tears).

At the conclusion of the session, our counsellor said that she'd organise some individual sessions for me with another counsellor there, and would also follow up to see if she could find someone to help Nina.

After the session, Nina was not as positive or happy as whe was after our first session - I think she didn't like having the focus put onto her (or being ambushed as I had done).

Relationship Counselling – first session

We have had our first session of relationship counselling this weekend.

Our Counsellor seems like a lovely person, and is very easy to talk with. Most important is that Nina is also comfortable with her.

Today we talked a little about ourselves, our families, and so on. I have some homework to write her an email about a timeline of my life – my memories of how I grew up.

She also suggested a couple of books – “Families & How to Survive Them”, and “Schopenhauer's Porcupine”.

Our next session wil not be until after Easter,

Finding Space

I have just finished watching an episode of a show on TV called "Brat Camp" about sending troubled UK girls off to a camp somewhere in the wilderness of the USA until they work through their behavioural problems, and, putting it nicely, grow up.

Anyway, in this particular episode three of the girls graduated to the next level, and as part of that graduation they had to spend a period of time on "Solo" - alone in the wilderness with nobody to talk to and nothing to do.

This solo part reminded me of when I went on an Outward Bound course many, many (many!!!) years ago.

The solo part also made me think about my own life and how I never escape from the busy-ness of it all - even when I am bored and not doing anything, I am still surrounded by noise and don't really take time just to stop (instead I think of what I should be doing).

I wanted to go on another Outward Bound camp.

I even looked up local Outward Bound courses - maybe that will be a holiday escape for me one day ... if it was just me, I'd probably have just signed up tonight! (I know Nina will ask why I didn't - and the answer is because it isn't just me.)

Finding space just to be - space with no distractions, space with no noises, space with nothing else that you might do - that is something that seems so rare today.