Individual Counselling - Second Session

During this morning's session, we discussed needing to find more passion (aggressive assertiveness) in my behaviour. This came out of our previous couple's session.

We also talked about trust issues and that I seemed to have difficulty trusting.

One of the comments that also came up was about keeping a journal and how doing so can end up as a relationship in its own right (I have kept a diary in the past). The risk with blogs is similar.

I was also told that in starting these sessions, my counsellor was tole that I had some family issues that might be worth working through.

I was given some homework to look at where I see passion in others and what it means / looks like.

Relationship Counselling - Fourth Session

This is written about three weeks after the event, so the details are a little vague ...

One thing that our counsellor asked today was for each of us to nominate a favourite movie or book. Nina nominated Jane Eyre, and I nominated the song Lemon Tree.

One of the issues that came up today was about contempt and it became very clear that our counsellor considers it almost a cardinal sin. This came up because of a conversation Nina had about her parents and whether the way their relationship was was sufficient reason for them to split up.

We were given some reading on "The Primal Wound" that talked about babies separated from their parents at birth and how this affects them - this is also particularly relevant for Nina's mother (who was adopted), and also for Nina, who had her mother disappear into hospital for some extended stays when she was young.

We were also given some reading on relationships - blockers, things to make them better, etc.

At the end of the session, I mentioned not being sure what I was trying to achieve in the individual sessions, and noted that one of the things was to be more aggressive - not in a bad way - the better word that was suggested was to be more passionate.

Boredom and Colour in our Relationship

Received phone call from RAV Counsellor at 8:45am this morning – she related some of the observations from last week

• Sense of Nina pushing away
  
• Me not interested when I say "don't know"
  
• Breadth vs depth (Nina has greater breadth, with me having greater depth - very complimentary)
  
• Noted that I plan with contingencies – for instance around Nina's 5 year limit
  
• My feeling of walking on egg shells
  
• No shared marriage identity
  
• Boredom featured in Nina's comments - boredom and restlessness
  
• From the Intelligent Emotion book, there was a section on Boredom
  
  • Boredom is related to not living in the present
    
  • Boredom is equivalent to apathy
    
  • Feelings give colour to life
    
  • Boredom is a desire for desires
    
• Nina's comments than nobody was listening
  
• Nina's comments on feeling like an outsider
  
• Nina saying that she wished she was a boy - interesting to ask / think about why
  
• Thought for discussion - how can we add more colour to our relationship
  
  • What colours are presently there?
    

Individual Counselling - First Session

One of the outcomes from our relationship counselling was that our conusellor thought that it would be worthwhile for me to have some individual counselling sessions. To this end, she managed to book me in with one of the other counsellors there.

In my first session with this counsellor, we went through a bit of a get-to-know you process. I admitted to not beig sure how individual sessions might help me, and noted that I had felt a little like the focus had been too much on me, but also commented that I was open to these individual sessions.

One of the key things that I need to think about in relation to these sessions is what I want to achieve through them - this is something that I hadn't really considered before going to this session (as perhaps I was too fixated, privately at least, on wondering why the focus had been so much on me).

The counsellor was someone who, like our couples' counsellor, I was comfortable talking with. She was also at pains to note that they didn't share otes or files between our two sessions.

One thing that she felt particularly moved by was from my emails to the other counsellor (which I said could be shared) about the sense of abandonment that I must have felt - both as a baby (the story of my parents noting that I stopped crying as they approached) and as a twelve year old (family moving overseas and intending to leave me behind).

We agreed that we'd have another couple of sessions and then assess where we were going.

Relationship Counselling - Third Session

Although I am dating this to be for the time of our session, this entry is being written about a week later.

Rather than trying to remember what was discussed, I'll refer back to the phone call that was received the nest week - where our counsellor noted some thoughts from the last session.

Some key themes seemed to be around boredom, Nina not feeling like she was being heard, and of us effectively living separate lives together.

For future reference, I must remember to write something sooner after the sessions.

Nina felt a lot more positive after this session than she did after last week's.