RIP our beautiful girl

Our puppy breathed her last breath at 4am yesterday morning.

She lasted 2 years longer than her brother but ultimately her heart failed her, but unlike him, she died naturally at home with Nina and I watching over her.

At about 2:45 yesterday morning, we noticed that she was breathing shallowly and quickly, and after each giving her some attention, Nina got up and moved her to a chair and sat with her, and I quickly joined the two of them. Together, Nina and I gently stroked our little girl, giving her as much love as she could, and she just lay there receiving the fuss, but barely able to respond. Eventually, at almost exactly 4am, she rolled onto her side took her last breath and her heart stopped.

Having lost her sibling 2 years ago, we didn't really want to have to take our little girl to the vet for 'the green dream' - she never realy liked needles, and such a visit may have been traumatising for her for a final vet visit, so taking her last breaths peacefully at home was the best way that she could have gone out.

The night before she'd eaten a full dinner (being hand fed as she had more or less demanded for months), and after dinner enjoyed a dog treat ... and after we'd eaten our dinner, an additional few little pieces of lamb backstrap which she loved. For the rest of the night she sat on the couch with me as she did almost every night while I watched some TV - she first sat on my lap facing me as I paid her some attention, and then lay on my lap facing the TV while she got more fuss, before finally lying between me and our lab (who was about half her age) and again enjoying fuss.

As I write this Nina has just shown me a poem that has welled up some of the sorrow that I feel on her passing ... but Nina is taking it much harder - at different times of the day she feels the loss more - the emptiness, the passing of time - the anxiety of life and death.

Back to the night before she passed, after watching TV, I made her go outside for a drink (she drank so much water!) and then carried her up to our bedroom where she slept ... but she wanted to go up to Nina's studio (where she usually started the night), so I took her up the extra flight of stairs. When I left her there she looked at me as if to say 'well, aren't you going to stay' ... again as she always did.

During the night I heard her go outside a couple of times and since she has died have wondered if she struggled to get up the stairs one last time ... if that pushed her too far, and whether she used the last of her strength to be with us at the end.

I miss her so - I may not show it much or often, but at times it really catches me.

I am comforted by the fact that she had a good life, and that she got a chance to be her self a little more after her brother died (even though she may still have had to compete with our lab).